Feeling Like Yourself Again

We’ve all been there.  The perpetual ponytail, the sweats, and the deer-in-the-headlights expression that comes with no sleep.  It’s hard being a mom, and even harder when you feel like just a mom.  Somewhere, in the midst of dirty diapers, grocery shopping with a toddler, and playing Candy Land for the umpteenth time… is you.  You remember “you,” right?  It’s hard not to lose ourselves in motherhood.  Spending our days with children who need everything from us, we become absorbed in their lives and their needs.  The moment I realized I had lost myself came when it dawned on me that I could not think of a single interest, hobby, or thing to really pass my time other than activities relating to my kids and family.  What would I even do if I had the day to myself?  Hopefully it hasn’t come to that for you, but if it has, you are not alone.

Another moment I had when I realized I needed some self improvement happened while I was nursing my newborn, sitting on the couch watching TLC’s “What Not To Wear.”  I love this show, and watched it often during those long nursing sessions in the first months after my second daughter was born.  I was particularly interested in the episode that was on, since it focused on a mother who had totally lost her sense of style (and individuality) through years and years of focusing only on her children.  When discussing how far down “on the list” she was (putting her kids, her husband first), she commented that she wasn’t even ON the list.  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wasn’t on my own list, either.  I was just “mom,” right?  So who cared what I looked like, what I did in my spare time (spare time, ha!), and how quickly I was losing myself as an individual?

I made many, many changes in the months following.  By the time my second daughter turned 1, I felt like a new person.  I wasn’t just mom, I was an individual with my own interests, hobbies, and focuses in addition to my family.  Sure, my family comes first – but I realize that part of being a good mom and a good spouse is taking care of myself as well.  No one wants us to turn into burnt out zombies that only talk about potty training and class field trips – our children, or our spouses.

I could write all day on this topic, but for now I will leave you with a few brief suggestions on how to at least get started on feeling like yourself again, instead of someone who exists entirely to take care of other people.

• Do something you haven’t done since you first had kids. Watch a movie with your husband from your college days, or listen to an album you used to love ten years ago.
• Wear dangly earrings. I know this sounds silly, but I swear it makes you feel more put together.  It takes thirty seconds to put them in, and as long as you don’t have a grabby baby who will rip them out, it’s well worth the effort.  Your husband will notice, too.
• Pick up a good novel and start reading. Better yet, start reading with a friend or a book club.  It will give you something else to think about and to talk about.  I know it’s hard to find time to read, but try getting up half an hour early, before the kids.  If you can sneak some time in at naptime, do that!  The dishes can wait.  Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet are much, much more important.
• Find some sort of hobby. No matter how involved it is, just make sure it has nothing to do with kids.  Sign up for yoga with a friend, take an art class at the local rec center, or start a gardening project.
• Go for a drive in YOUR HUSBAND’S car. Not yours – it’s probably got car seats and Chic-Fil-A cups in it.  Take his out, and go for a drive.  Listen to music that you would not listen to with the kids… perhaps stuff from high school or college.  Rolling down the windows and listening to “Back in Black” is a great way to feel like more than just a mom.
• Wear perfume or fragrant lotion. As nice as Desitin and baby formula smell, it’s nice to smell like a grownup who pays attention to these things.  Again, your husband will love this. You’ll smell like YOU again, which is good for everyone.
• If you have the money to spare, get a pedicure. (Skip the manicure – it’ll probably chip away in a couple of days.)  A pedicure will last for quite a while, and it’s absolutely wonderful to have someone else taking care of you.  Bring a book along to read, so you can focus on getting pampered and not feel obligated to make small talk with the technician.  If cost is an issue, check out less expensive venues, like Wal-Mart.

Bringing a child into this world is one of the most amazing and fantastic experiences in life.  Enjoy every moment of it – just make sure you don’t lose yourself in it.

- Grace

Related posts:

1. Feeling Lousy? Check This Out.
2. How to Be Childlike
3. Look Like Yourself Again, Not Like “A Mom” – 21 Simple Tips
4. Take Time and Relax
5. Reduce Your Stress