A Great Parenting Approach – Listen to Your Kids
Posted in Parenting on 07. Oct, 2009
By nature, I’m a pretty organized person. I thrive on routines, schedules, and order. A chaotic house makes me feel chaotic internally, and I tend to organize something if I feel out of control in my personal life. Since I’m the mom of two young kids, I often feel like “control” is the last thing I have. The toys are all over the floor, my two year old throws her cereal on the floor, and my four year old is late for preschool. Of course, I’m going to try and regain control of the kids and the house.
I hate to admit this, but often times I feel like I wish my kids had batteries and a remote controller. It would be so much easier to get out the door for preschool if I could just move them around with a remote to do what they need to do – put their socks on, brush their teeth, etc. And it’s not just stuff like that – it’s the temper tantrums, the arguing, and other sorts of issues I run into as the mom of little kids. We run into the same issue every time – we each want control. I wish they would just listen up and let me call the shots, while they both do everything they can to exert their control and their independence.
In spite of my need for order and my desire to be able to control things, I don’t want my children to be robots. Although I may wish sometimes that they would just listen up and do what I say every single time without fail, I also love that they are little tiny individuals. They have thoughts, feelings and opinions as well, and part of my job is to show them that they are valuable. Everyone wants to be heard and respected – and that includes kids. I think that sometimes people don’t really see kids as people, but rather they put children in a separate category – a category more fitting for a golden retriever. Kids can’t be expected to always do exactly as you say, keep quiet, and follow every rule with total obedience. Yes, we need to establish ourselves as the authority and we need to have rules, consequences, etc. However, kids are people too – and they crave the same kind of validation and respect that we do.
This post by Sandi Schwartz is really thought provoking, and I wanted to share it. She discusses this very thing –
“It doesn’t matter how old a human being is. We all want to be validated and appreciated for our point of view. We all want to be heard and seen and understood. We all want to feel loved exactly as we are and we all want the freedom to feel our feelings and voice our opinions.”
I find that my kids listen to me much more when they see that I’m listening to them as well. Knowing that I’m on their side motivates them to respect what my husband and I tell them to do, because they are learning that we are making rules based on what is best for them. When they challenge us, they know we’ll listen to their side (as long as they’re being respectful), which certainly cuts down on temper tantrums and arguments. Ultimately, it’s our decision, but at least they know that we are hearing them.
For the rest of Sandi Schwartz’s post, check out Improve Parenting by Stepping Back for a Moment and Think. [SDNN: San Diego News Network]
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