Temper Tantrums in Public – Don’t be Embarrassed!

I took my two year old to the mall yesterday while my older daughter was in preschool, and overall it was a great morning out together.  I bumped into a friend, got some great deals at The Children’s Place, and had adorable pictures taken of my daughter at the Picture People.  Although it was a great trip to the mall, what wasn’t so great were the temper tantrums.

First it was in the children’s play area, brought on because another kid had chicken nuggets while my child only had a Nutri-Grain bar.  Apparently she felt like she had the inferior snack, and this wasn’t acceptable to her.  Later, she saw a Halloween costume at the clothing store, and desperately wanted to put it on.  Since I couldn’t just strip her down and let her try on Halloween costumes (we were in a rush, there were many tags involved… etc) I said no.  Then the stomping started.  This is a move that my husband refers to as her “Gorilla dance,” something she does when she’s fighting mad.  Finally, the last tantrum was upon leaving the store, because she wanted me to carry her.  I actually wouldn’t have minded picking her up (it was close to naptime) but she neglected to ask me to pick her up, forgetting that I can’t read minds.  So when I said, “Come on honey!” she flipped out and threw herself on the floor.

Let me start out by saying that although my toddler is an intense and willful child, this was not like her.  I anticipate a fit here and there, but certainly not three in one morning.  Especially out in public.  So when she started flipping out repeatedly, I had to really practice my own self control and remind myself not to be embarrassed, but to simply focus on dealing with the situation.

I used to get embarrassed by this sort of behavior from my daughter, but at this point it really doesn’t bother me.  My mission is to focus on her, not the watching eyes around us.  I’m much more able to handle her antics if I am calm, collected, and concentrating on remedying the situation.  Getting embarrassed because people are watching will either make me cave in, snap at her, or just get flustered in general.

So, the next time you are out and your toddler starts having a meltdown, consider this.

• Every mom has been there at some point. You are not alone.  Just because there is another mom in the same store who is pushing a well behaved child in a grocery cart does not mean that she always has a well behaved child.  Today it’s your child, tomorrow it’ll be someone else’s.
• It’s not necessarily your fault. No matter how strict you are or how “good” your child is, there will at some point be a meltdown in front of friends, family, or strangers.  You can be the best mom in the world, use every technique in the books, and you’ll still have this issue at some point.  Your child is an independent person who, from time to time, may decide to voice their opinion or express their emotions in ways that are less than helpful.  Now, I’m not suggesting that you let the temper tantrums slide.  You can be proactive by knowing their buttons, take many steps to calm down a child, and be firm about what is not acceptable behavior.  My point is simply that even if you do everything right, you still can’t completely control kids – they are individuals, and they may decide to just fight you once in a while.
• If another mom is judging you, that is her issue. You may encounter another mom standing there, looking smug.  If another mom is looking down on you and/or your child, understand that her need to judge is most likely driven by her own insecurities.
• If someone without kids gives you a dirty look, ignore them completely. Let’s say you are in Starbucks, getting some coffee and chocolate milk after a morning of running errands.  You are getting ready to leave, but something provokes your toddler and they start to scream.  If a man in a business suit glares at you, or a young college student gives you a dirty look, ignore them.  First of all, if they don’t have kids then they simply do not understand. Second, simply pretend they don’t exist.  You have to tune them out, because they don’t know what you are going through, and chances are they would be absolutely clueless if it were their job to calm down a toddler.
• Above all, getting embarrassed hinders your ability to handle the situation. Keep your eye on the prize – a calm child.  If you get wound up, she will get even more upset.  Model calmness for your toddler, and show them how silly they are behaving by staying cool and collected yourself.

When your child is making a scene, it is so easy to turn scarlet with embarrassment (and sometimes anger).  No one wants to be “that mom” at the mall, and it’s only natural to get worked up over it.  We all want to present our best selves to others, and that includes having well behaved children.  I just want to encourage you and say that if your child acts out in public, you are not alone.  Ignore any sets of glaring eyes or disapproving looks – and know that you are doing the best you can.  We’ve all been there, and for anyone who hasn’t yet – just wait.  And remember that by staying calm and collected, you are able to not only able to focus on getting your kid to wind down, but you are able to set a good example for your children when it comes to handling yourself under pressure.

- Grace

Related posts:

1. Toddlers and Their Tantrums – Tips to Handle It
2. How to Handle Those Embarassing Moments
3. Teach Your Kids to Argue… Respectfully
4. Lessons and Tips for Grocery Shopping With Kids
5. Struggle With Your Temper? You’re Not Alone!