Venting Your Frustrations on Facebook – Reasons to Be Careful

The holidays are upon us, and with this season there comes a of degree stress for us moms. Relatives are in town, kids are sugared up on Christmas cookies, there are presents and decorations to take care of, and a long list of stuff to do on top of our (already packed) routine. Sure, there are the usual outlets for stress such as calling a friend or writing in a journal, but these days more moms are turning to social media to vent their frustrations. This makes sense, but it’s important to tread carefully and not forget the public nature of the web.

Whether it’s Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace, more and more people are going online to blow off steam. Sometimes this can be a harmless way to share frustrations, get advice, or just vent a little bit. However, it can often cross lines. Though a lot of it depends on who your audience is and what you are saying to them, it’s worth noting that using the internet as a sounding board for your stress can sometimes backfire.

Let’s say I’m having a rough day. The kids are driving me nuts, my husband says the wrong thing when he comes home from work, and the house is a disaster. I feel like venting, so I decide to log onto Facebook. I put my status update as, “Grace wants to know if anyone wants a two year old or a four year old – for sale by owner.” Or perhaps, “Grace can’t believe the stupid things that men say sometimes.” Or even, “Grace sometimes hates her life.” Sound harmless? Maybe not. Writing things like this for two hundred and thirty of your closest friends on Facebook or MySpace can really come back to haunt you. Consider the following:

• It’s not that funny to joke around about selling or giving away your kids. Maybe this is obvious to most, but there are some people who think this is a cute way to express their frustration – until social services or the police get involved. I tried the find the actual article discussing this, but there was actually a woman who (as a joke) put an ad on craigslist to sell her child. The police didn’t think it was very funny.
• Don’t bash your husband on Facebook. We all get frustrated with our spouses. It’s going to happen. Please just remember that griping about your husband to a bunch of your “friends” online is only going to make things worse. You may feel slightly vindicated for a moment, but devoting your status update to how annoying your husband can be isn’t doing anyone any favors. Men in particular have a deep need for respect, and being disrespected in front of anyone – let alone a large audience online – can be crushing to a guy. And remember that once you make up, you’ll probably have to clean up the mess you made– especially if your complaints against him generated comments from friends.
• Are your relatives also your friends on Facebook? If they are, try to keep this in mind when you post. Consider your language, sharing about how much you drank last night, etc – all things to consider if your Facebook friends include your parents, siblings, and extended relatives. I could go on and on about things to say and not say, but my relatives read my blog! (Ha, ha.) 
  
• If you want to keep something private, don’t drop hints or try to be coy. Try and avoid saying things that invite people to ask you what’s up, such as: “Grace is really excited about her good news,” “Grace is very surprised at what she just found out,” or “You’ve got to be kidding me! I am so upset!” Whether you’re happy, sad, or excited – don’t bait people unless you really want everyone to know. I fell into this one time, when I was bummed about something very personal. I wrote on my Facebook status update, “Grace hopes that dark chocolate will help.” That generated enough comments from friends (who knew what was going on) that my mother called me – worried – to see if I was ok.  People read what you write, and unless you want to worry relatives or spill the beans (whether good news or bad news) just keep it simple, like “Grace likes dark chocolate.”
• Keep someone else’s big news to yourself. It’s all too easy these days to accidentally announce someone else’s pregnancy, miscarriage, or other personal secret. This is another situation where being vague and discreet is key.  Rather than reference someone directly, consider saying something like “Grace is happy for her friend,” or “Grace is sad and praying for a dear friend.” No need to share someone else’s business unless you have the green light from your friend.

While it’s fun to share news, ideas, and random thoughts on pages and profiles, just remember to where to draw the line between public fun and private matters. De-stressing is necessary for us moms, though, as long as it’s done right (and by right, I mean with a glass of wine and a good movie or book!).

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Grace

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