Your Ideal Family: How To Make It A Reality
Posted in Your Family on 13. Nov, 2009
[Editor's note: Thanks to Sherri Kruger for her post having the family you've always envisioned. Personally, I've always dreamed about what my life and children would be like, and these simple points give some great insight!]
By Sherri Kruger, for Zen Family Habits
For many the ideal family is the one most commonly portrayed in movies or on TV. You know the ones where the siblings all get along and never fight, there is always something fun to do or some mischief to get into. I remember seeing a family a while ago and thinking “wow they’re so lucky”. Fast forward a few years and now I feel I am the lucky one.
Thing is, luck actually has very little to do with it. A great family life doesn’t just happen, you’re not just born with it. A great family, like any great relationship, requires effort. A great family is more likely to succeed if everyone is on-board playing the same game by the same rules.
Here are some ideas to get you started down the path towards your ideal family.
1. Begin with the end in mind. Close your eyes for a minute and be still. Think about your ideal family. Visualize it. Once you have a clear picture in your mind answer the following questions:
- What makes this the ideal family?
- In what way is it different to what you have now?
- How does this ideal situation make you feel?
Visualization helps remove the abstraction that comes with saying something vague like: I want a happy and close family. What does a “happy and close family” mean to you? Be as specific as you can be.
2. Be inclusive of everyone. If creating your ideal family is what you’re after then include everyone. Granted very young children may not be able to contribute much but it’s still important to have them around. Once everyone has had a chance to answer the three questions from point 1, compare notes.
Be open to what comes out, try not to be judgmental, dismissive or close minded. Make this a positive time with family and encourage everyone to share. You’ll gain insight into what makes others in your family tick. What similarities do you notice? What are the major differences? Discuss them and see what comes out. Sometimes the best ideas aren’t even your own. Shocking I know!
3. Make a plan. Pool your ideas and see if you are able to create a single unified path towards your ideal family. While I think compromise is okay, I prefer to find a solution that makes everyone happy, this can sometimes take a while. But if it’s not win/win then it’s unlikely anyone will be happy. Make a list of activities you can do each day to get closer to your family’s ideal.
- Will you create a morning ritual?
- Will you make family dinners a priority?
- Will you devote one day on the weekend to doing a family activity?
Whatever it is start small, be consistent and make it something you all look forward to. Get excited!
4. Meet regularly. Once you have your action plan and know where you’re headed as a family, have regular meetings. In the beginning I found that once a week was ideal. Once we had the details sorted and had talked through what we wanted to we scaled it back to once a month and now we chat when we feel we are straying from the path in some way.
A lot of times what sounds good in theory either isn’t practical, fun or sustainable in practice. Having a set time dedicated to discuss any thoughts or concerns keeps issues from being dragged out and can get you back on track.
5. Be open to change. Don’t be afraid to spice things up every now and then. Some activities you initially choose may be seasonal or you may just lose interest in them. Change is usually a good thing. If you decide as a family to change things up a bit consider doing it at a family meeting where everyone is present and can have a say. Life changes. Circumstances change. Expecting one path and a handful of activities to create and maintain your ideal family forever is unrealistic.
This is your family, have fun with it. Keep things fresh and interesting. Great families often don’t just happen, they are created.
This post and others can be found at Zen Family Habits. Provided by The Mom’s Cheat Sheet with the permission of the author.
Your Ideal Family: How To Make It A Reality
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