Want to be a Good Host? – Make Your Guests Feel Welcome!

I love having people over. One thing I try and remember is that being a good host is about so much more than mini-quiches, a spotless house, or having some amazing craft for all of the kids to do. Being a good host is about making people feel comfortable in your house.

Ask yourself, what makes YOU feel comfortable? Is it really the gourmet meal your friend made? Or perhaps the mom who cleaned her house from top to bottom before you came over with your kids? No, I don’t think so. That stuff can be nice, but more often than not I think it sends the wrong message. Unless you really have an actual event to host, sometimes going to so much trouble actually makes people feel uncomfortable. There are certainly cases where impressing your company is important, but more often than not, I think we tend to overdo it. This doesn’t help anyone.

Now, when it comes to a play date, I don’t see any reason at all why you should go to much trouble to clean up (see my post on Why You Should NOT Clean Your House). The objective should be to have a home that is comfortable enough for your friend(s) and the kids to come over – this means walk without tripping over toys, have a snack for the kids, etc. Don’t go to much trouble beyond that. The point is to get together as moms, and have the kids play. I usually do a quick pick-up, brew some coffee for my friend, set out some goldfish or apple slices for the kids, and that’s about it.

When grown-ups are coming over and you’re having “company,” it’s a bit different than another mom showing up in yoga pants at 10am. I’m not advocating that you don’t do ANYTHING, but I am suggesting you think more carefully about what you are doing and why. Motivation in your decisions is the most important thing. Are you trying to impress company, or make them feel welcome? There are a few things to consider, when you are having friends or family over.

What’s for dinner? If you have time, it can be really fun to pull together a nice meal that takes a long time to prepare. However, it can often be much better to prepare something less time consuming. If your guests come over and you are fussing over making an impressive dinner, this creates a stressful environment that focuses more on the work you are doing, and less on the people who are coming over. Another consideration is the clean-up. There have been many times I’ve put a lot of hard work into a dinner, only to be left with tons of dishes after everyone leaves at midnight. Friends feel bad for leaving a mess (or worse, they don’t notice – which is frustrating), and you have a huge clean-up in the morning. So, skip the elaborate spread. Go for something low-key, like a crock-pot dish or grilling something outside. Friends are coming over to see you, and not to make a judgment on what a great cook you are.

Create the right atmosphere for entertaining. Do not spend the whole day cleaning, light candles in all the rooms, and hide all child-related items. Yes, pick up the house so your friends know that you care about the fact that they are coming over, and (if you want to) light a candle in the bathroom for ambiance. Why not? It’s fun. Just remember, do that sort of thing if it’s fun for you to do, not because you feel obligated to create a model home for your friends. Focus on creating an environment that is welcoming and comfortable, not sterile and impressive.

Put on some music. If not for my husband, I would overlook this one. He knows just about everything about every album that has ever been made, so we have quite a library of music to choose from. We have music playing often, and it creates such a nice atmosphere. Our current favorite is a fantastic jazz album, “Whipped Cream & Other Delights Rewhipped,” by Herb Alpert.

Think about what your guests may need or want. Do your friends have a newborn, or a toddler they are bringing over? Go ahead and set up a pack & play in your bedroom, pull out the bouncy seat for their baby, and serve something you think the kids will enjoy as well as the adults. Try and make it easy on them if they have kids and are coming over to your place. If your house is not already baby proofed, put up breakables and move important objects to out of reach places.

What to do after dinner? Even if you end up visiting over some wine for a couple of hours, it’s nice to plan something fun to do with friends. If you friends are staying after dinner and putting the kids to bed at your house, suggest a movie they may want to watch, or a game they would enjoy playing. We have had a great time playing “Settlers of Catan” with our friends, as well as other games such as “Risk,” and “Taboo.”

Just remember that having friends over is supposed to be fun – not stressful. If you never have people over because you hate all the cooking and cleaning, just try something more low key. People come over to see you, not your house. Keep your expectations reasonable, and enjoy your evening.

- Grace

Related posts:

1. Why You Should NOT Clean Your House
2. Your House Doesn’t Need To Be That Clean
3. 5 Reasons to Host a Clothing Swap
4. How to Help a Friend Once the Baby Arrives
5. Encouraging Other Moms – Why It’s Important