The Mom's Cheat Sheet » Toddlers & Preschoolers

My Toddler is a Fashionista – In Her Own Mind

admin — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:12:30 +0000

It starts when you’re pregnant. You waltz into the store, and can’t help cooing over the onesies and the teeny tiny little hats and socks that are on the shelves. You’ve been to baby showers or seen your friends’ babies, and you know how cute those baby clothes can be. So finally – you have a reason to buy these adorable little articles of clothing! Of course it only gets better. The baby is born, and the fashion show begins. Family is coming over, pictures are being taken, and you secretly hope that their diaper leaks so you can justify changing them into yet another cute little outfit.

Like everything with kids, this stage passes all too soon. You go from having total control over their little wardrobe, to suddenly finding yourself with a toddler who has an entirely different sense of what “pretty” or “handsome” means. That sweet dress your mom brought over? Forget it – she wants to wear her Tinkerbell shirt (again). Asking your son to put on some clothes so you can go to the park? He comes back wearing his Spiderman costume from Halloween.

All of us moms know that children have a way of putting together the craziest outfits imaginable. My two year old has insisted on wearing sunglasses at night, a sundress in December, and likes to pair bright pink cowboy boots with fluffy skirts. If only we all had her courage and lack of self-consciousness! And with this sense of independence and wanting to dress themselves, comes a new parenting question. When do you insist on having it your way, and when do you let them get creative?

Although all young children tend to gravitate towards a free spirited fashion sense, not all moms are happy about this. I have had many moments where I cringe at what my toddler or preschooler has picked out. And of course there are those occasions when we, as moms, really should step in. Dressing for the weather, ensuring they dress modestly, and making sure my kids look appropriate for various events is part of my job as a parent. Even if it’s cute around the house, letting them wear their swimsuits or pajamas when it’s time to do family portraits wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors.

Every parent falls into some sort of grey area on this subject, and really there is no right or wrong approach. The goal is to make sure your kids are wearing something when they leave the house. If you’re one of those moms who thinks dress up is cute at the grocery store, go for it. Or, if you want to make sure that their hair bows always match their skirts, more power to you. There are, however, a few things to consider. Whether you are free spirited or more structured with your children’s wardrobe, I think that it’s important to remember the following basics when it comes to kids and their sense of style:

Pick your battles. If you let them “win” here and there, they may be a little easier when you do insist on having them wear a certain thing. No one likes to be told what to do 100% of the time, and letting them have their way sometimes can often set the stage for winning another clothing battle down the road. And if your child is old enough to compromise with, this may be a good opportunity to demonstrate that. “Well Logan, you can wear your Transformer dress up and rain boots to Grandma’s today, but I’d like you to wear jeans and a t-shirt to the park tomorrow.”
Even if you want to be easy going, consider practicality. Weather should always overrule a child’s desire to express their fashion sense. Even if my four year old looks devastated when I say “no” to her request to wear a short dress in two feet of snow, I know I’m doing the right thing. And of course there are issues like going out for sundaes in white T-shirts, wearing a brand new pair of pants to a finger painting party, or pulling out a favorite T-shirt when it’s clearly filthy (because your two year old insists on wearing it). There are certainly times when common sense needs to reign, even if they have other ideas. You are the parent, and sometimes that means drawing a line on what they shouldn’t walk out the door in.
Kids are kids. Remember that! I once listened to a mom explain that she would never want her daughter to wear clothing with characters on it, because she felt it was tacky. Minnie Mouse T-shirts or Barbie sneakers? Forget it – this mom was all about having her kid dressing top notch. Now, I can’t blame her for wanting to continue to play “dress up” for as long as possible with her daughter. After all, her sweet little girl looked adorable in every outfit her mom carefully chose for her. However, kids need to be kids. They love Little Einsteins, Disney Princesses, and Cars. It would drive my daughters crazy if I never let them wear shoes and clothes with their favorite characters on it, and even if I am not crazy about Hello Kitty, my four year old daughter is. I consider this falling into the category of “let it go,” and accept the fact that they aren’t going to always want to look like the kid on the front of the Hanna Andersson catalogue. And you know what? It’s part of what makes them who they are, and it’s part of being a kid.
Consider your motivation. One thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom is that there is a certain level of “look what a good job I’m doing” that goes along with even the smallest little decisions we make. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, given that we all want to show our family and friends that we not only can handle being a parent, but are doing a pretty good job at it. Of course I want my parents to be proud of me, and my friends to think I have it (sort of) together. However, I am not about to battle my toddler on clothing just to show up at playgroup with a matching, coordinated and perfectly groomed princess. Frankly, it’s just not worth it. The important thing to have a happy, healthy child – and if anyone is going to judge you for showing up at library story time with a kid in mismatching clothes, let that be their problem.

The bottom line is that you are the mom, and they are the kid. Let yourself have the freedom to say “no” when you need to, but also let them have the room to express themselves and be creative. Children are only little for a short time, and soon you will be looking back fondly on these days. And remember this – if you think that clothing is an issue now, just wait till they become teenagers!

-Grace

Preschool – Cost Versus Benefit

admin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:44:14 +0000

Once my daughter turned 2, other moms started asking me if I was going to be sending her to preschool. I was a bit taken aback, considering that she was still in diapers. My little girl was still toddling around the house, just learning to talk… I couldn’t imagine dropping her off at school quite yet. My husband and I tabled the thought of preschool, and once she started to get closer to her fourth birthday we revisited the idea.

We decided that she would really enjoy preschool, and I would enjoy having some alone time with my two year old while her big sister was in school. I began looking into different schools, not sure what to expect. When I asked friends, some suggested a few wonderful schools – but with very high tuition. I even had another mom explain to me that I really should send my daughter to a particular (very expensive!) preschool, because we had to make those sorts of sacrifices for our children. It was as if I would be depriving my daughter of something very important if I didn’t send her to a top preschool, and it was my duty as a parent to just accept tuition that was much more than our family could afford.

In the end, we chose a very inexpensive, low key school for our four year old. She attends two mornings each week, and loves it. They play together, do crafts, and are learning a different letter of the alphabet each week. I am so happy with our decision, because it is what is best for our family as a whole. My husband and I aren’t stressed when we write a check each month, and she is having fun with other kids each week as she learns her ABCs. Although I know that she would have been just fine if we had elected not to send her to preschool at all, I am glad that we found a school that fits our budget and fulfills her desire to be around other kids and feel like a “big kid.”

I came across this post from The Simple Dollar, and I really wanted to share it. I think it’s important to balance your priorities and make sure that the things we spend our money on are worth it – and that includes preschool. Whether or not you’re trying to decide if your child should go at all, or which preschool is best, it’s important to weigh the pros and the cons.

Is Preschool Worth It? [the simple dollar]

Struggle With Your Temper? You’re Not Alone!

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 09:24:42 +0000

We all have those moments. Whether it’s sleep deprivation, too much on our plates, or a particularly rough moment during the day – we find ourselves frustrated and angry. Having little kids can be hard sometimes, and we moms are only human. Whether you work outside of the home and have to juggle all sorts of priorities, or are a stay-at-home mom who feels swamped by motherhood – it can be challenging sometimes. Temper tantrums out in public, battles of the will over broccoli, and the pressure of always being “on” are enough to make most people frazzled at best.

It’s no surprise that we moms sometimes lose our cool – but what do you think of the following post?

Moms With Young Kids Are The Angriest Americans [Parent Dish]

How To Be A Fantastic Parent (Guest Post)

admin — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:49:31 +0000

[Editor's note: Thanks to Sherri Kruger for her post on being parenting. I really enjoyed this article, and I think that that these are some excellent points. As a mom who often tries to do things "by the book," this is good advice for me to relax, let the kids get dirty, have some down time, and just enjoy being a parent.]

By Sherri Kruger, at Zen Family Habits

Once you have kids the responsibility of raising, educating and loving these little people is instantly bestowed upon you. As parents we have a very important role in shaping our kids to be good contributing members of society.

Parenthood is a journey. A long journey. As our kids grow up they are constantly changing and new challenges present themselves at every turn.

A sense of empowerment as a parent will help you when it comes to raising your kids. Empowerment leads to greater confidence, consistency and dependability in whatever life throws at you.

One thing I think we all have in common, as parents, is that we want to be fantastic ones. Here are some ways that we can get closer to that goal.

1. Begin with the end in mind. Take a minute to think about the type of parent you want to be. Close your eyes and picture what it means to you to be a fantastic parent. By starting with the end in mind we have something to work towards. We can live each day with this end goal in mind and align our actions with it.

2. Family schedule. Things can get a little hectic when you and your kids are active outside of the home. Keep everyone on the same page and prevent activities from slipping through the cracks by creating a family schedule or routine. Involve all family members so you each have a say in how your days, evenings and weekends will unfold. Being well organized will make this part of parenting just a little bit easier.

3. Revisit your priorities. Set your priorities and don’t expect to be able to do it all. It is very true that when you say yes to something you say no to something else. Don’t over commit. What we usually say no to is down time, time with loved ones or hobbies and activities that we are passionate about. When kids are napping let the laundry sit, do the dishes when they wake up and just rest. After the kids are in bed does it really matter that the floor wasn’t swept? Likely not. Leave it and get started on that book you’ve wanted to read.

4. Solicit advice from people you trust. When you first start a family there is a wealth of advice out there and make no mistake you’ll get it whether you want it or not. Some advice can be really good like “sleep when the baby sleeps” and “trust your instincts” but there is also some advice that is not so good. Solicit advice from people you trust, people who have been there before and who’s opinion you value. Listen to what they have to say, be open to it and try their suggestions if you think it’s something that might work.

5. Spend quality time with your kids. There is nothing your kids like more than spending time with you. Play a game, laugh, reminisce, and be silly. Curl up and read a book, watch a movie or just talk. Talk about your day, what they want to do in the future, places they’d like to visit. Spending time with your kids just talking will give you a lot of insight into who they are.

6. Show them respect. These little people are just that little people. They have feelings, needs, and wants just like us big kids. They should be shown respect for their ideas, their abilities, and their strengths. We all have personal space and know how it feels to have it violated by someone who stands just a little too close. Our kids are no different. Standing too close and towering over them is intimidating even if you don’t intend it to be. Respect their personal space.

7. Love your kids but set limits. It’s important to show our kids we love them. Be affectionate and say the words “I love you”. It won’t hurt and it can’t be over stated. You may think well of course I love my kids and they know it. Maybe … or maybe not. Showing your kids you love them doesn’t mean giving in to their every demand. You still need to set limits. Instead of punishment I like to think of it as teaching my kids. Teaching them what’s appropriate and what’s not as it applies to the real world. Believe me I’m not perfect, but this is what I aim for.

8. Lead by example. Kids rarely “do as I say, not as I do”. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Kids will mimic what they see. They learn by watching their parents. If you want your child to be respectful and mindful of others be respectful and mindful of others yourself. Tell the truth, have integrity, be courteous and polite, if these are in fact the values you wish to instill in your kids.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” – Gandhi

9. Cultivate gratitude. Teach your kids to be grateful for what they have instead of longing for what they do not. There may be less of a sense of entitlement if they are taught to value people, life and relationships as opposed to things. Talk to your kids about what being a good person means. Ask them for examples of things they are grateful for each day.

10. Relax. In our effort to do everything right we run the risk of becoming uptight or “by the book”. When we relax and let things go the relationships we have with our kids can grow and thrive. Let kids be kids. Let them get dirty and play outside. In fact get out there with them and spend quality time with them. Relax the rules a bit where they don’t really matter. Pick your battles your relationship is more important than being right or proving a point.

Like many things being a fantastic parent takes a lot of work, and I think it’s worth every bit of effort. Live intentionally, get active and feel empowered. There’s a fantastic parent in you too!

This post and others can be found at Zen Family Habits. Provided by The Mom’s Cheat Sheet with the permission of the author.

How To Be A Fanstastic Parent

Nielsen Figures Show That Kids Are Watching Too Much TV

admin — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:30:33 +0000

We’ve all been there. It’s the end (or the beginning…) of a long day, and we just need a few minutes to have a cup of coffee, grab a shower, or tackle the dishes. So we put in a movie.

Now, I’m all about moderation. I’m not one of those parents who think that movies and television are evil, and I don’t judge moms who are having a rough day and put the kids in front of Dora so they can take a break. However, I do make sure that my kids don’t watch too much TV – in fact, this is one of the reasons we don’t have cable (or any others channels, for that matter). While it’s fun to sit and watch “Cinderella,” I also want to make sure that I balance time in front of the TV screen with time doing puzzles, riding bikes, or reading books.

According to the latest figures from Neilsen, kids are watching way too much TV – a figure that is at an 8 year high. This article from the Los Angeles Times is very interesting – and serves as a good reminder for me to make sure my children aren’t spending too much time infront the television.

Kids watch more than a day of TV each week [Los Angeles Times via KidsHealth]

How to Handle Those Embarassing Moments

admin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:40:17 +0000

As we were walking downtown last fall, my daughter noticed someone sitting close by, with a scowl on their face. She asked me, “Mommy – why is that man so mad?” Pretty harmless, right? Well, it would have been if that man had been a man – and not a woman instead.

Ah, the joys of having a toddler or a preschooler. They can talk now, but that little filter that we adults rely on (you know, the one that stops us from saying exactly what we are thinking?) is not yet developed. So it stands to reason that our kids are going to blurt out of sorts of fun stuff out in public, leaving us with a mess to clean up. Whether it’s yelling the world “NIPPLE!” at the grocery store, asking (non-pregnant) women about the babies in their tummies, or other social faux pas, it’s going to happen. So what do we do about it?

I am still pretty new at navigating these waters. I have come up with a few ideas, though – and I thought I’d share.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It’s just as true today as it was when we were children. Sometimes I turn it around on my kids, and ask them how they would feel if someone said that same thing to them. Once they start to think in those terms, it’s a little easier for them to understand why we don’t say certain things.
Be proactive. For a while, my daughter thought big tummies always had babies in them. This was an issue for a while with her, and she approached four different people about it! Be it a man or a woman – she was convinced that a baby was in there. Once I explained to her that sometimes people just have big tummies, she started to understand that not everyone was pregnant. If there is an issue that your child is focusing on, be proactive so they don’t blurt something out to a stranger at Home Depot.
Don’t react to a curse word. I am thankful to live in a home where cursing is not a problem for anyone, and so this is something we’ve had an easy time with. However, kids still play with words and sounds – which means that they can easily stumble upon an inappropriate word. This happened once when my daughter was three. She was experimenting with sounds, and was walking around saying things like, “Ducky…lucky…duck…” and the list continued until she accidentally said the “f” word. I was shocked, hearing this word escape my little daughter’s mouth. Then she asked me, “Is that a funny word?” I had to think on my feet, so I just said, “Well… do you want to hear a really funny word? Platypus!” Then we watched You Tube videos of duckbilled platypuses, and she forgot her “new” word. She never repeated that word again, and I am very thankful!
Remember that a child’s imagination is an amazing place. They really do make up stories (see mine below), and sometimes you just have to take it with a grain of salt. If they say something embarrassing, you can explain to your audience that they are young and sometimes very imaginative. You may still be in a pickle, but it’s worth a shot.
Stay focused on turning the situation around, not punishing your child. Most of the time, kids say rude or impolite things by accident. Sure, they may get mad at your brother and call him a stinky butt, but in general I think that most embarrassing comments are accidental. Kids are kids, and we need to cut them some slack. Focus on teaching them what is ok and not ok, rather than simply getting angry and embarrassed.

In spite of everything we try to do to be proactive, our kids are still going to embarrass us on occasion. I think my best story comes from being out to lunch with my dad and stepmom. (And let me preface this by saying that to this day, we do not know how she came up with this!)

My four year old had been in the habit of calling me “Mother” lately, inspired by Little Foot in “The Land Before Time.” Well, my husband asked our daughter what her new name for me was (assuming she’s answer, “Mother.”) Instead, she said, “I call her HOT MAMA.” Stunned silence filled the table, followed by my husband asking her where she had heard that phrase (as he held back his laughter). Her response? Oh, it got even worse. She answered, “Sometimes, when I lay in bed at night, I hear… ‘HOT MAMA.’”

The main thing is to do what you can to prevent these embarrassing comments or stories, but in the end just remember that this a phase. One day, you’ll look back and actually miss these days.

What about you? Any hilarious stories, and how do you deal with this issue?

- Grace

Toddlers and Their Tantrums – Tips to Handle It

admin — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:37:07 +0000

Some days it seems like having a two year old is just one battle after another. If I start to put one shirt on her, she’ll want to wear a different one. When I put her in the grocery cart, she kicks her legs and yells “walk!” If her sister suggest they watch the Barbie movie, my two year old suddenly has her heart set on “Finding Nemo.”

I found this post from Parenting.com very interesting. Every parent goes through these little battles with their toddlers, and reading about different ways to handle them (without giving in, or losing your temper) was very helpful for me. I can really identify with the suggestion below, since for a while I was having a really hard time getting my kids to settle down and buckle up in their car seats. My girls would always jump in our minivan and immediately sit in the back seat, giggling and refusing to sit in their car seats. I was getting pretty tired of this, so I tried the “let’s race” approach suggested below.

“Tactics to try: Keep it light. ‘I make games out of things that they must do,’ says Harrisburg, NC, mom Shannon Mathews of her four kids, including 2-year-old twins. ‘We make it a race to see who can get buckled into their car seat first.’ Distracting play, like silly songs or goofy faces, works, too. ‘If I have just the babies, I make them laugh as I’m strapping them in so they forget what I’m doing, and then I quickly give them each a toy off the floor of the van — there’s always a toy on the floor of our van!’”

For more advice on ways to handle tough toddler issues, check out 5 Tantrum Stoppers That Work. [Parenting]

Parent Hacks for Halloween

admin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 20:26:18 +0000

It’s still a month away, but Halloween will be here before we know it. Need some ideas for costumes, candy, or crafts? Check out this compilation of ideas that Parent Hacks put together. My favorite idea of theirs is something that would be a great craft for my two year old daughter –

“For my daughter who is almost two, we’re not carving pumpkins this year. I’m going to cut pieces of black construction paper out in various eye, nose and mouth shapes and let her glue them onto the little pumpkins we bought. They may not look just like normal jack-o-lanterns, but they should give the idea (besides, a nose floating above your eyes is a little scary looking, isn’t it?). Of course, we also bought one of those cheapie light-up jack-o-lanterns to put out for night time, too.”

For the rest of their great ideas, check out Best of Parent Hacks: Halloween [Parent Hacks]

Drawing the Line Between Sweet and Not-So-Sweet

admin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 09:29:03 +0000

Every time I go to put on makeup, I can expect my two year old to come rushing into my bedroom, yelling “EYES! EYES! EYES!” She loves it when I dust a tiny bit of silver eye shadow over her little eyelids, and she will stare in the mirror as if she were Cinderella admiring herself before the ball. Her four year old sister also likes to borrow my pink lip gloss, and I’ll even let her wear it out when we run errands. It’s barely noticeable, and yet she feels like a beautiful princess.

With two girls, I often think about what it’s going to be like over the next few years. As they get older, we’re going to have to start drawing some lines. I started thinking more about this when I read a blog from styelist.com, Suri Cruise Wears Heels – Dress Up or Inappropriate? I started wondering whether or not high heels for a toddler were ok in public, or if they conveyed the wrong message? Now, both of my kids walk around in heels plenty (with better balance than I have…) when we’re at home and playing dress up. Goofing around at home is safe, fun, and part of playing. What about when you go out, though? I want my kids to look like kids, not miniature women. So where is the line between “sweet” and “not so sweet”?

Kids should certainly be kids, and there is no rush to grow up. I want my four year old to wear shirts with teddy bears, walk around in pig-tails, and look her age. I also know that she (and every other female out there) enjoys feeling beautiful, like the princesses in her Disney movies. She loves playing with jewelry, wearing my pale pink lip gloss, and walking around in my high heels. It’s part of being a kid to pretend to be like mommy or dress up like Jasmine. I’m not going to ban her from playing with my lip gloss because I’m afraid that she will grow up too fast, and I love hearing the “click-clack” of her wearing my stilettos around the kitchen. I think it’s sweet when my little princess plays dress up, as long as it’s just that – playing dress up.

The red flag goes up when little girls (and I mean little girls) walk around who are not pretending at all. I see more and more little girls wearing things that (in my personal opinion) are over the line. I actually saw a pair of faux leather pants in the “girls” section of a store the other day. Seriously, shiny faux leather pants for preschoolers? There are some clothes out there that feature miniature versions of grown up styles that are cute, but sometimes it’s just disturbing. A tiny pea-coat is one thing, but a miniature string bikini may a bit different.

We all want what is best for our kids, that’s for sure. Part of that means letting them be creative, feel beautiful, and pretend to be a princess in heels. Another part of that means protecting our children from growing up too soon and sending the wrong messages. What do you think? Where should we draw the line?

- Grace

Simple, Easy Birthday Ideas

admin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:13:08 +0000

My oldest daughter just turned four on Friday, so I am in birthday mode right now. I’ve been making cakes, planning her little party, and getting things ready for other family members to come over to celebrate with us on different days. It’s been quite busy around here, that’s for sure.

Since my daughters’ birthdays are six weeks apart, August and September are times that I’m on the lookout for ideas. Though we just finished “birthday season” here, I found this great post from Simple Mom’s blog that I wanted to share. I’ll have to file this one away and pull it out next year, because I love these ideas. My favorite –

“If your toddler delights in story time at the public library, create a party activity in which the guests create a giant card to say “thank you” to the librarians and library staff. If your preschooler is fascinated with fire trucks, invite party guests to make several batches of cookies or other sweet treats to deliver to the local fire department.”

What a great idea! For the rest of Simple Mom’s ideas, you can read A Birthday Alternative: Less Stuff, More Fun. [Simple Mom]