The Mom's Cheat Sheet » moms

Is Now Really the Best Time?

admin — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:42:43 +0000

As a mom, it seems I am surrounded by a never ending to-do list. Laundry, dishes, meals, general clean-up, organizing projects, phone calls… the list goes on and on.

I often find myself trying to take care of these things at the right times, like doing dishes right after a meal or folding laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer. It seems like the right thing to do, and it saves me time in the long run if I don’t need to scrape off crusty food particles or iron wrinkled laundry that sat for two days.

As much as I feel like I have a good handle on time management, I sometimes find myself trying to tackle something when it would be better to just walk away. Do I really need to do the dishes at 8pm? Well, maybe… because I know it will take longer in the morning. But even though I’m right about that, sometimes it’s better to just walk away and go read to my kids or hang out with my husband instead. And do I really need to fold the laundry right now, since my kids have wanted to play Legos with me all day? Sure, I know that it will wrinkle, but that’s a small price to pay for the joy of just walking away to go play with my kids.

It’s hard to juggle the many things that keep the house running, while trying to spend time with the kids and balance work with play. Even if something makes sense in my head, oftentimes it’s worth it to just walk away and save it for later. Ask yourself, “Is now really the best time?” Perhaps it is, and it’s good to get it done right away. However, remember that sometimes the best thing you can do is just live in the moment and save it for later. The laundry can wait – so go play Legos.

-Grace

15 Things I Wish I Had Known During My First Pregnancy

admin — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 08:00:58 +0000

Ok, I’ll admit it: growing up, I was one of those girls who used to stick a pillow under her shirt and look in the mirror, day dreaming of the day I’d become a mommy. I always knew that I wanted kids, and looked forward to the day when that dream would become a reality. When I was newly pregnant with our first daughter, I was on cloud nine. I loved thinking, reading, and talking about my pregnancy. Despite my euphoric haze, though, there are a few things I wished I had known at the time:

Don’t worry so much. In general. This is a broad suggestion, but I really wish I had not worried so much. If you had a beer the night before you found out you’re pregnant, the baby is fine. If you ate three hot dogs and then read that pregnant women shouldn’t eat hot dogs, make a mental note and move on. And don’t worry about being a good mom – you’ll be just fine.
Morning sickness will probably not be what you expect. I was shocked, and convinced I had the flu the first week (even though I knew I was pregnant). Just remember that if it hits you hard, it will pass. Also, you may be one of the lucky ones who don’t get it, or who feel mildly queasy and that’s it. Just don’t set up expectations, like expecting to only get sick in the morning, or thinking that it ends right at 12 weeks. Let your body do what it’s going to do, and just hang in there!
Buy frozen foods and a lot of convenience food before you start feeling nauseous. I wish I had done this – we would have saved a ton of money on take-out and fast food! You may be fine and keep cooking as usual, but I was way too sick to stand the smell of raw meat, doing dishes, or anything else that triggered my gag reflex. Buy frozen lasagna, frozen dinners, and lots of snack stuff. Also stock up on paper plates. Having things on hand will be very helpful when you are either feeling too tired or too sick to cook.
If you take everyone’s advice too seriously, you’ll make yourself miserable. Every one has an opinion, and over the course of your pregnancy, you are going to hear tons of stories, lots of warnings, and plenty of advice. Take it all with a grain of salt – and don’t let it stress you out. Society feels the responsibility to educate and advise pregnant women on just about everything, but it often just causes more stress. Let it roll off of your back.
Don’t be in a rush to wear maternity clothes. I was so excited during my first pregnancy to finally “look pregnant,” I rushed into maternity clothes. I could have gone another month or so, but I was just too excited. Trust me – you will have plenty of time to wear those clothes (and you’ll get sick of them), so enjoy your regular clothes while you still can.
Invest in a belly band. This will extend the life of your pre-pregnancy pants, and will help you with your clothing options. These wonderful things are nice, stretchy bands that enable you to walk around with your pants unzipped, while still held up in place with a nice band covering the zipper. (An added benefit of these bands – they help you get back into your old jeans after having the baby, when you are still carrying some baby weight in your middle.) My favorite is the Bella Band. You can find them at ingrid & isabel.
Don’t obsess about your pregnancy. When people ask you how you are feeling, try not to go into a monologue about how you threw up yesterday, need to pee every hour, and then give them a long list of all the baby names you are considering. When it comes down to it, most people are asking to be polite. It’s completely normal to want to gush about your pregnancy, but just remember that non-pregnant people may not be as interested as you are in certain things. I was bad about that when I was pregnant with my first, so I can completely understand this – and I wish I had realized it at the time. It’s better to save the gory details for a pregnancy journal, your mom, or your best friend.
A regular soda here and there is fine. Dr. Pepper helped me make it through the end of my first trimester – I wish I had lightened up earlier on. Sure, you aren’t supposed to have tons of caffeine – but a smidge here and there won’t hurt.
Avoid saying, “I will never do that!” Before you actually become a parent, you just don’t know. You may end up co-sleeping with your baby, deciding to get the epidural, or stop nursing after a couple of months. Keep an open mind, and don’t set yourself up for a disappointment.
Don’t feel bad about sleeping in. Sleep while you can. Trust me.
Buy at least one or two fabulous nursing bras. I made the mistake of buying cheap nursing bras when I was still pregnant with my first baby, thinking it didn’t matter. Well, think again. You will need a lot of support during those first few months. I am in love with Bravado bras, because (a) they are crazy comfy, (b) you can sleep in them, and (c) these bras come in many patterns and colors. I have four of the “original nursing bras” and I love them. My favorite is the leopard print – just because you’re nursing doesn’t mean you can’t still be hot!
Be clear about what you want before and after labor, but don’t come up with an elaborate birth plan that spells out exactly how you want it to go. Labor and delivery are full of surprises, so don’t set yourself up thinking it will go a certain way. Do be clear on what you want regarding pain meds, who is allowed in the room with you, the doc’s policy on episiotomies, etc.
You don’t need as much as you think. I was so OCD when I was pregnant. I worried way too much about “getting ready” for the baby, and looking back, I realize now it was bit overboard. When it comes down to it, Target will still exist after you arrive home from the hospital. You husband can go out and buy a bouncy seat or some extra blankets when you are resting at home with the baby, so don’t worry about having everything just right.
Let the hospital nursery take the baby overnight. They will still bring your baby in to nurse during the night, but at least you’ll get some sleep. We chose to “room in” with our first baby, because I was concerned that I’d look bad if I sent her to the nursery. Big mistake. Let the nurses take care of the baby while you have the opportunity – you will have plenty of sleepless nights once you arrive home.
Above all, I wish I had known how much I’d love my kids. I know this sounds cheesy, but it’s true. You have absolutely no idea how much you are going to fall in love with your children until you are staring into their tiny faces at 5am, counting their eyelashes. Once you realize how much you love that little person you saw on the ultrasound screen, it blows your mind. Motherhood is out of this world. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the months leading up to it.

- Grace

Slow Down This Christmas Season

admin — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:52:18 +0000

It’s Christmastime! Everywhere we look there are people out Christmas shopping, going to parties, and preparing for the holidays. There is decorating to be done, cookies to be made, and presents to be wrapped. With this special time of year comes an increased pace to our daily lives, which can sometimes bring stress.

Now, not all stress is a bad thing. The “stress” of buying presents can be a very fun activity, and an opportunity to bless your friends and family. The business of preparing for a party can be exciting and fun, and it’s very rewarding to have friends and family over to celebrate. However, sometimes we can let the stress of this season impact us negatively, and by doing that we tend to miss a lot of what this time of the year is really about.

I tend to be a very active person. I like to go places, do things, and participate in a lot. Christmastime for me is an opportunity to engage in more activities than we normally do, whether it’s in or outside of the home. This can be fun, but I’m constantly reminding myself that sometimes less really is more. I want to slow down, but sometimes I get so caught up in wanting to create “the perfect Christmas” for my family that I lose sight of what’s important.

How can we slow down during the busiest time of the year?

Take a moment (or two, or three…) to just sit and stare at your Christmas tree. Brew some coffee or make some hot cocoa, and just sit by your tree.
We spend enough time decorating it, so take the time to really enjoy it. Sometimes it’s nice to just be still, take it all in, and quietly watch the snow fall outside.
Go for a drive and look at Christmas lights. My kids love looking at all of the decorations that people put out this time of the year. Try going for a drive “just because,” rather than on the way to or from some place. It’s nice not to rush or worry about being on time, but rather to take a cruise around the neighborhood and check out your neighbor’s cool reindeer display.
Don’t do something because you “should.” I tend to put expectations on myself that are unnecessary simply because I think that I “should” do something. If you don’t get around to doing something, that’s ok. It’s a busy time of year, and no one can get around to doing everything all of the time. If your Christmas cards don’t go out till mid January, that’s ok. If you don’t send them at all, that’s ok too.
Feel free to cut corners. Buy a gingerbread house kit, grab the pre-made sugar cookie dough, and do whatever else you can to make something enjoyable, rather than a chore. Now, if you enjoy baking things from scratch and have the chance to do this – by all means, go for it! Just make sure you are doing it because you want to, not because you feel like you can’t cut corners this time of year. I used to love going out to a Christmas tree farm and spending the day picking out the perfect tree, but since having kids my husband and I have settled for driving over to the grocery store parking lot where the Boy Scouts sell trees. One day I’d like to go back to the Christmas tree farm, but for now it works for our family to take a shortcut.
Focus on having Christmas – not doing Christmas. There are many things that go into celebrating the holiday season. Decorating the house and cooking for company can be a wonderful, fun way to celebrate, as well as traditions like gingerbread houses and baking Christmas cookies. One thing that I remind myself, though, is that I shouldn’t get so caught up in “doing” Christmas that I end up missing it. Take time to enjoy the little things, and if you need to skip something, that’s ok. It’s better to scale back and do less – but enjoy it – rather than check everything off the list but end up feeling stressed beyond belief.

With everything that goes on this time of year, it can be tempting to focus solely on getting it all done, checking things off of the “to do” list, and worry about how many shopping days are left. I encourage you to take some time to slow down, relax, and enjoy this season. It comes and goes so quickly – so take some time to stop and smell the Christmas cookies.

-Grace

Breastfeeding? Here’s a Drink for You

admin — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:57:15 +0000

One of the things that surprised me about breastfeeding was just how thirsty it made me! I was prepared to feel extra hungry and tired, but didn’t expect to be toting around a huge water bottle everywhere. And because nursing moms have to watch what we drink, we can’t keep ourselves hydrated by triple espressos and margaritas. What goes in us, goes in baby. This is why I was happy to see Mamaista’s blog today, which features a drink made specifically for breastfeeding moms.

Breastfeeding Made Easy [mamaista]

Break the Bad Habits – Form the Good

admin — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:50:52 +0000

I recently decided that I’m going to commit to doing my Pilates DVD for 30 minutes each day at nap time. I’ve been frustrated the past few weeks because it seems that somehow, I’ve let exercise fall off of my priority list. Instead of pulling out the exercise DVD at nap time, I’ve been pulling out the Halloween candy and sit down to watch an episode of “The Office” before starting housework or other things on my to-do list. Not the end of the world, but my jeans are a bit tighter than I’d like now.

Especially with Christmas coming up (and all of the goodies that surround this time of year…), I thought it would be a good idea to get back into a routine. I keep telling myself that I can spare 30 minutes a day, which really isn’t that much if you think about it. I had no trouble setting aside the same amount of time to watch TV and munch on candy, so I know the issue isn’t my schedule. I simply let a bad habit replace a good habit, and now I need to reverse my priorities.

Bad habits are so easy to form. We don’t even set out to make them habits, and yet they become part of our life.

What about good habits? Is it really so hard to get up early and do yoga, go for a daily walk with the kids, or take thirty minutes at nap time to exercise? In theory, no. Personally, I do have a hard time forming these good habits for two main reasons. First of all, I’m often too tired and lack the energy to do something like exercise at naptime, or get up early. Second, I sometimes let my priorities get out of whack. Is housework really so important at naptime that I don’t allow myself any down time?

When I think about my lack of energy, and try to remind myself that exercise energizes you. If I’m too tired to do my Pilates DVD, I try and convince myself that I will have more energy afterwards. Amazingly, it’s working. Second of all, I find that if I do allot myself some down time when my kid are asleep, I am much more productive in the time I set aside for housework or other chores. Recharging our batteries is very important, and we can’t run on empty for very long without letting ourselves rest and relax.

I was inspired by this post from Serene Journey, so I wanted to pass it along to you. What about you? Are there any good habits that you’ve been meaning to form?

What’s On Your Good Habits List? [Serene Journey]

Struggle With Your Temper? You’re Not Alone!

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 09:24:42 +0000

We all have those moments. Whether it’s sleep deprivation, too much on our plates, or a particularly rough moment during the day – we find ourselves frustrated and angry. Having little kids can be hard sometimes, and we moms are only human. Whether you work outside of the home and have to juggle all sorts of priorities, or are a stay-at-home mom who feels swamped by motherhood – it can be challenging sometimes. Temper tantrums out in public, battles of the will over broccoli, and the pressure of always being “on” are enough to make most people frazzled at best.

It’s no surprise that we moms sometimes lose our cool – but what do you think of the following post?

Moms With Young Kids Are The Angriest Americans [Parent Dish]

How To Be A Fantastic Parent (Guest Post)

admin — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:49:31 +0000

[Editor's note: Thanks to Sherri Kruger for her post on being parenting. I really enjoyed this article, and I think that that these are some excellent points. As a mom who often tries to do things "by the book," this is good advice for me to relax, let the kids get dirty, have some down time, and just enjoy being a parent.]

By Sherri Kruger, at Zen Family Habits

Once you have kids the responsibility of raising, educating and loving these little people is instantly bestowed upon you. As parents we have a very important role in shaping our kids to be good contributing members of society.

Parenthood is a journey. A long journey. As our kids grow up they are constantly changing and new challenges present themselves at every turn.

A sense of empowerment as a parent will help you when it comes to raising your kids. Empowerment leads to greater confidence, consistency and dependability in whatever life throws at you.

One thing I think we all have in common, as parents, is that we want to be fantastic ones. Here are some ways that we can get closer to that goal.

1. Begin with the end in mind. Take a minute to think about the type of parent you want to be. Close your eyes and picture what it means to you to be a fantastic parent. By starting with the end in mind we have something to work towards. We can live each day with this end goal in mind and align our actions with it.

2. Family schedule. Things can get a little hectic when you and your kids are active outside of the home. Keep everyone on the same page and prevent activities from slipping through the cracks by creating a family schedule or routine. Involve all family members so you each have a say in how your days, evenings and weekends will unfold. Being well organized will make this part of parenting just a little bit easier.

3. Revisit your priorities. Set your priorities and don’t expect to be able to do it all. It is very true that when you say yes to something you say no to something else. Don’t over commit. What we usually say no to is down time, time with loved ones or hobbies and activities that we are passionate about. When kids are napping let the laundry sit, do the dishes when they wake up and just rest. After the kids are in bed does it really matter that the floor wasn’t swept? Likely not. Leave it and get started on that book you’ve wanted to read.

4. Solicit advice from people you trust. When you first start a family there is a wealth of advice out there and make no mistake you’ll get it whether you want it or not. Some advice can be really good like “sleep when the baby sleeps” and “trust your instincts” but there is also some advice that is not so good. Solicit advice from people you trust, people who have been there before and who’s opinion you value. Listen to what they have to say, be open to it and try their suggestions if you think it’s something that might work.

5. Spend quality time with your kids. There is nothing your kids like more than spending time with you. Play a game, laugh, reminisce, and be silly. Curl up and read a book, watch a movie or just talk. Talk about your day, what they want to do in the future, places they’d like to visit. Spending time with your kids just talking will give you a lot of insight into who they are.

6. Show them respect. These little people are just that little people. They have feelings, needs, and wants just like us big kids. They should be shown respect for their ideas, their abilities, and their strengths. We all have personal space and know how it feels to have it violated by someone who stands just a little too close. Our kids are no different. Standing too close and towering over them is intimidating even if you don’t intend it to be. Respect their personal space.

7. Love your kids but set limits. It’s important to show our kids we love them. Be affectionate and say the words “I love you”. It won’t hurt and it can’t be over stated. You may think well of course I love my kids and they know it. Maybe … or maybe not. Showing your kids you love them doesn’t mean giving in to their every demand. You still need to set limits. Instead of punishment I like to think of it as teaching my kids. Teaching them what’s appropriate and what’s not as it applies to the real world. Believe me I’m not perfect, but this is what I aim for.

8. Lead by example. Kids rarely “do as I say, not as I do”. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Kids will mimic what they see. They learn by watching their parents. If you want your child to be respectful and mindful of others be respectful and mindful of others yourself. Tell the truth, have integrity, be courteous and polite, if these are in fact the values you wish to instill in your kids.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” – Gandhi

9. Cultivate gratitude. Teach your kids to be grateful for what they have instead of longing for what they do not. There may be less of a sense of entitlement if they are taught to value people, life and relationships as opposed to things. Talk to your kids about what being a good person means. Ask them for examples of things they are grateful for each day.

10. Relax. In our effort to do everything right we run the risk of becoming uptight or “by the book”. When we relax and let things go the relationships we have with our kids can grow and thrive. Let kids be kids. Let them get dirty and play outside. In fact get out there with them and spend quality time with them. Relax the rules a bit where they don’t really matter. Pick your battles your relationship is more important than being right or proving a point.

Like many things being a fantastic parent takes a lot of work, and I think it’s worth every bit of effort. Live intentionally, get active and feel empowered. There’s a fantastic parent in you too!

This post and others can be found at Zen Family Habits. Provided by The Mom’s Cheat Sheet with the permission of the author.

How To Be A Fanstastic Parent

Take Care of Yourself, Too

admin — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:23:01 +0000

I was driving to Target the other day, thinking about how I’m going to really put more effort into taking care of myself. I’m going to try and eat better, exercise more, etc. For anyone with kids, you know this can be a challenge. Since the Thanksgiving feasts are over (we had three different dinners!), I’ve decided to buckle down and get in better shape. While I’m at it, I figured I’d add a few other healthy habits I need to work on. This shouldn’t be too hard, I told myself as I was driving. After all, I do a great job with my kids when it comes to taking care of them. I know that I’m capable of paying attention to diet, exercise, and scheduling activities. If I can do this for my kids, I should try and do the same for myself.

If we moms treated ourselves as well as we treat those we take care of, I think we’d be much happier. We make sure our kids get enough sleep, but why are we exhausted? It’s important to make sure our kids have fun activities, but then why do we sometimes feel like we don’t do the things we love, or have any hobbies ourselves? I don’t hesitate to replace my daughter’s old jeans, but when I need a new pair… suddenly I try and tell myself that a hole in the knee is in style. Something’s wrong with this picture! I have the right information in my head; I just need to apply it to myself as well as my kids.

For those of you who (like me) struggle with not taking care of yourself the way you should, let’s just break it down and think about what we do for our kids. Then try to do the same for yourself.

Eating a balanced diet. We pay attention to the things our kids eat, and we make sure they have their fruits and veggies. But what about us? Do we make ourselves eat blueberries and broccoli each day, or is that just something we try to encourage our children to do? If it’s good for them, it’s good for us. Not only does eating right set a good example for our kids, but it gives us energy throughout the day.

Get up and get moving. Now, the good thing about motherhood is that it really is a physical job (a “contact sport,” my dad once said!). However, as physical as raising kids can be, we still need exercise. Some things to try: go for walks with your kids, do a Pilates DVD at nap time, or see if you can find a gym with childcare. I wouldn’t encourage my kids to slack off on physical activity, so I shouldn’t let myself either. I want to make sure that my kids learn that kids and grown-ups need to take care of themselves and stay healthy.

Don’t neglect your spiritual health. It’s important to nurture your soul as well as your body. Personally, I find that my day is significantly better if I take a few minutes at nap time to read my Bible and pray for people in my life. I also enjoy yoga, and I find that getting up just 20 minutes earlier in the morning makes all the difference. Yoga is a great way to start the day because it helps wake up your body, and begin your day with calm relaxation.

Do you encourage your kids to have hobbies? Pick one for yourself, while you’re at it. I love that my older daughter is really into art, and I encourage her to keep drawing and creating things. My younger daughter always wants to dance, and I think that when she is older she would enjoy a dance class. I encourage my kids to do what they love, and I see how important it is for them to have hobbies. This is something that seemed obvious to me, but yet I was missing the part about having a hobby myself. A couple of years ago it occurred to me that I didn’t have any real hobbies or recreational activities that were just for me. Personally, I enjoy writing – so I have started this site. Whether you are a writer, a runner, a reader, or something else – don’t forget about what makes you an individual. If hobbies are good for kids, they are good for their parents.

Be kind and encouraging to yourself. As the mother of two girls, I’m up to my elbows in shoes and hair bows. My girls love looking pretty, getting dressed up, and feeling like princesses. I do my best to help them feel beautiful on the inside and outside, which means complimenting and encouraging them. I want them to see themselves as beautiful, cherished, and valued. However, something occurs to me: I find it easy to encourage my kids, but why is it so hard for me to be encouraging to myself? Oftentimes we only see our flaws, and we overlook what we’re doing right. I sometimes look in the mirror and only see what I don’t like, or I focus on the areas of my house that I haven’t cleaned in a while. More and more, I realize how unhealthy and negative that is. I need to recognize my own accomplishments and pat myself on the back just like I do with my kids. So, as you are doing things to uplift your kids, don’t forget to do something to encourage yourself. Congratulate yourself on a great dinner, and take a moment to look in the mirror and see yourself as beautiful.

Relationships are important to both kids and adults. We moms like to make sure our kids are on track for many things, and that includes how they are doing socially. I want my kids to have friends, relate to their peers, and invest in relationships. Relationships are important to everyone, so don’t neglect your own. For those of you with little kids, play dates can be a lifesaver. This is a pretty good way to see your friends as well as have your kids play with their peers, but it gets harder when they become older. Now that most of my friends have two or three kids, play dates are often noisy and sometimes chaotic, which makes it hard to visit with anyone. So if play dates with moms and their kids aren’t working for you right now, don’t give up. Go out for coffee or a drink with your girlfriends, and make sure and schedule a date with your husband. Don’t let things get too busy, and don’t feel guilty about leaving the kids with your hubby so you can grab dinner with your best friend.

We pour ourselves into our kids and do what we can so that they can have a great childhood. Sometimes, this comes at our expense (and sanity!). Take care of yourself the same way you take care of your kids, and I believe it will be much better than putting yourself last on the list. Your kids need a happy, healthy mom – make sure they have one.

-Grace

Venting Your Frustrations on Facebook – Reasons to Be Careful

admin — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:00:00 +0000

The holidays are upon us, and with this season there comes a of degree stress for us moms. Relatives are in town, kids are sugared up on Christmas cookies, there are presents and decorations to take care of, and a long list of stuff to do on top of our (already packed) routine. Sure, there are the usual outlets for stress such as calling a friend or writing in a journal, but these days more moms are turning to social media to vent their frustrations. This makes sense, but it’s important to tread carefully and not forget the public nature of the web.

Whether it’s Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace, more and more people are going online to blow off steam. Sometimes this can be a harmless way to share frustrations, get advice, or just vent a little bit. However, it can often cross lines. Though a lot of it depends on who your audience is and what you are saying to them, it’s worth noting that using the internet as a sounding board for your stress can sometimes backfire.

Let’s say I’m having a rough day. The kids are driving me nuts, my husband says the wrong thing when he comes home from work, and the house is a disaster. I feel like venting, so I decide to log onto Facebook. I put my status update as, “Grace wants to know if anyone wants a two year old or a four year old – for sale by owner.” Or perhaps, “Grace can’t believe the stupid things that men say sometimes.” Or even, “Grace sometimes hates her life.” Sound harmless? Maybe not. Writing things like this for two hundred and thirty of your closest friends on Facebook or MySpace can really come back to haunt you. Consider the following:

It’s not that funny to joke around about selling or giving away your kids. Maybe this is obvious to most, but there are some people who think this is a cute way to express their frustration – until social services or the police get involved. I tried the find the actual article discussing this, but there was actually a woman who (as a joke) put an ad on craigslist to sell her child. The police didn’t think it was very funny.
Don’t bash your husband on Facebook. We all get frustrated with our spouses. It’s going to happen. Please just remember that griping about your husband to a bunch of your “friends” online is only going to make things worse. You may feel slightly vindicated for a moment, but devoting your status update to how annoying your husband can be isn’t doing anyone any favors. Men in particular have a deep need for respect, and being disrespected in front of anyone – let alone a large audience online – can be crushing to a guy. And remember that once you make up, you’ll probably have to clean up the mess you made– especially if your complaints against him generated comments from friends.
Are your relatives also your friends on Facebook? If they are, try to keep this in mind when you post. Consider your language, sharing about how much you drank last night, etc – all things to consider if your Facebook friends include your parents, siblings, and extended relatives. I could go on and on about things to say and not say, but my relatives read my blog! (Ha, ha.)
If you want to keep something private, don’t drop hints or try to be coy. Try and avoid saying things that invite people to ask you what’s up, such as: “Grace is really excited about her good news,” “Grace is very surprised at what she just found out,” or “You’ve got to be kidding me! I am so upset!” Whether you’re happy, sad, or excited – don’t bait people unless you really want everyone to know. I fell into this one time, when I was bummed about something very personal. I wrote on my Facebook status update, “Grace hopes that dark chocolate will help.” That generated enough comments from friends (who knew what was going on) that my mother called me – worried – to see if I was ok. People read what you write, and unless you want to worry relatives or spill the beans (whether good news or bad news) just keep it simple, like “Grace likes dark chocolate.”
Keep someone else’s big news to yourself. It’s all too easy these days to accidentally announce someone else’s pregnancy, miscarriage, or other personal secret. This is another situation where being vague and discreet is key. Rather than reference someone directly, consider saying something like “Grace is happy for her friend,” or “Grace is sad and praying for a dear friend.” No need to share someone else’s business unless you have the green light from your friend.

While it’s fun to share news, ideas, and random thoughts on pages and profiles, just remember to where to draw the line between public fun and private matters. De-stressing is necessary for us moms, though, as long as it’s done right (and by right, I mean with a glass of wine and a good movie or book!).

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Grace

How Motherhood Can Help You Build Healthy Habits

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:30:55 +0000

Some days I look back on how I used to eat before I became a mom, and I’m shocked by my old habits. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking! I used to eat a decent amount of junk food, rarely worked out, and didn’t pay much attention to nutrition. Thanks to being young and having good genes, I was able to skate by at a normal weight. However, now that I’m getting older I need to pay more attention to diet and exercise. Even at 28, I know that my metabolism will be slowing down and my bad habits could start catching up with me.

One of the great things about motherhood is that it’s taught me a lot about taking care of people – including myself. Not only am I watching out for what my kids are eating, but I’m paying much more attention to my own diet as well. I’m also more active now that I’m a mom; not only do I chase my kids all day, but I also take them for walks and make sure that they are learning to stay active and get some fresh air each day. There are many benefits of being a mom, but one I had not considered would be the motivation to live a healthier lifestyle. Consider the following:

When our kids eat healthy foods, we eat them as well. Now that I’m a mom, I try and pay more attention to always having fresh fruits and vegetables in the house. Having a snack of fresh fruit in the afternoon is a good habit for all of us, and probably something I wouldn’t pay attention to if not for my children.
Our bad habits can become our children’s bad habits. We used to keep ice cream in the house and eat it all the time. We’ve stopped keeping it in our freezer as a staple, because having it around means that our kids will always be asking for it. I don’t want my kids to get into the habit of having a big dessert each night, so I had to break myself of that habit. Once you have little ones looking up to you to set the example, it’s really makes you realize things you may be doing that aren’t very healthy. It never killed me to eat Rocky Road every night, but it’s just not something I want to start as a habit for our entire family.
Better sleep habits! Since having kids, I have spent countless nights in the rocking chair of the nursery. I now appreciate a good night’s sleep like never before, and I’m out for the count as soon as my head hits the pillow. They say that adults need 7 – 9 hours of sleep each night, and I take that a lot more seriously now that I’m a mom. I need good rest to keep up with it all, and my sleep habits are much healthier these days.
Perspective is very, very good for you. I used to beat myself up over my little flaws, like gaining two or three pounds. Before I had kids, I usually stayed around the same size and never had much of an issue with my weight. However, I would be pretty hard on myself over little things. After two kids, my weight has fluctuated quite a bit, and I have clothes in my closet that range from size 4 to size 12. I have more perspective now on body image, and that is really helping me to appreciate my body for what it is, rather than scrutinizing my tiny flaws because I don’t look like the woman on the cover of “People” magazine. After having children, I am learning to focus on a healthy lifestyle rather than having the “perfect” body, and that’s a good thing.

Being a mom is absolutely wonderful, and comes with many perks. I’m really enjoying my new focus on eating well and staying active, since it was something I took for granted up until a few years ago. What about you? How has being a mom helped you to live a healthier lifestyle? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

-Grace