The Mom's Cheat Sheet » motherhood

“Should I Be Doing That, Too?”

admin — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:00:14 +0000

Most challenges that today’s mom faces are obvious. We immediately think about the big stuff – finances, health, safety, etc. There are many issues and concerns that we have as parents, but there is one challenge we face that is extremely common – but seldom talked about. It’s something that most of us don’t even think about consciously, but it still affects most everyone.

I’m talking about competition with other moms, and wondering to yourself, “If she’s doing that – should I be doing that , too?”

This is the stuff that sneaks up on you. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s happening, until you find yourself frazzled and worrying about silly, inconsequential things. Not sure what I’m talking about? Ask yourself if you’ve ever thought any of the following things to yourself:

“If my sister-in-law is signing up her daughter for violin at age 3, should I be doing that with my daughter?”
“Her son can already write his letters… Sarah isn’t even close! I must be doing something wrong.”
“Well, my friend does crafts every day with her son. I can’t believe I don’t do that! I’d better go buy some craft supplies.”
“I was planning on waiting until Landon was four before sending him to preschool… is he going to be behind the other kids? My neighbor sends her daughter now, and she’s only two and a half….”
“They have such a cute playroom. We just have baskets in our living room… I hope that’s enough for the kids.”

Most of us have thoughts like this at some point, whether we think these things rarely, or all of the time. Sure, it’s natural to look at other moms and see what they’re doing with their kids. And while it’s healthy to get ideas, inspiration, and advice from our peers, it’s not healthy to always compare ourselves to others. We are all in different situations, with different strengths and weaknesses. If you struggle with feeling like you are judging yourself against other moms (and always feeling like you fall short), just consider this….

When it comes to material goods, we are all in different circumstances. Perhaps you are feeling jealous about your neighbor’s amazing play room, your friend’s shopping spree at Gymboree, or the room straight out of Pottery Barn Kids that your sister-in-law created for her daughter. Sure, it’s normal to feel a pang of jealousy here and there (we’re human, you know), but don’t dwell on those feelings. Personally, I like to remind myself that I’m only 28, and a stay-at-home-mom. I can’t compare myself to another mom who is 35 and works full time, because I’m in a different place in life. Apples and oranges. And even if you know another mom who seems to be in the same circumstance as you, think twice. Remember that things are not always as they appear. Your friend down the road may have that expensive stroller, but she may also be maxing out her credit cards.
Everyone has their own particular talent – even if they don’t see it in themselves. If we were all the same, wouldn’t that be boring? It’s a good thing that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. The problem is that many of us only focus on the talents of others, while ignoring our own. Personally, I’ve always admired women who have a real knack for decorating. I enjoy decorating and making my home comfortable, but I will admit that I still feel a bit envious when I see how talented other women are in this specific area. On the other hand, I know that I have talents of my own. I try and remember that the same woman who is a creative genius in Home Depot may be a disaster in the kitchen. So next time you say to yourself, “I should do that too!” about someone else, remember that they may be thinking the same thing about you and the things you do well.
Just because another mom is doing something different, does not mean it’s necessarily better.
If your neighbor is running her kids around to camps, sports, and music classes, don’t fret just because you take your kid to preschool two days a week and that’s all. Set your own standards for your own family and let others do the same. You never know – perhaps she is saying to herself, “Man… my neighbor seems so relaxed. Maybe I’m doing too much with my kids? I don’t want to over schedule them!” Remember that you need to make choices that you feel are best for your kids – no matter what someone else may be doing.
Life is about balance. No one is good at everything, no one has it all, and no one is the perfect mom. If you are jealous of your friend who does crafts with her kids every afternoon, maybe she feels bad that she doesn’t bake cookies with her kids the way you do. You can’t do everything, have everything, and be good at everything – so just pat yourself on the back for what you do well, and let the rest go.
Set a good example for your children. Remember that they watch everything we do, and they model themselves after us. The last thing we want is to hear our kids say, “But Sophie is good at math… I don’t care if I’m good at English, I just feel so bad about myself for not being good at math!” We don’t want our kids to feel compelled to play every sport, join every club, and be everything to everyone. Set a good example and show them that we are all different, and that’s a good thing.
This sort of mentality will only get worse over time. If you think it’s bad now, just wait. Jealousy over your neighbor’s playroom will become jealousy over your neighbor’s Lexus in ten years, knowing that your kid is driving your old Ford. And if you feel guilty for putting your kids in hand-me-downs now, just wait till they are in high school and wanting to spend big bucks on designer jeans! Set the tone for your household now. Hopefully when your kids are in high school, they won’t care if their neighbors’ kid drives a nice car, or if they are wearing their sister’s old jeans. Nip the jealousy and the competition in the bud, and you’ll all be much happier for it.

I write these things as someone who has grappled with this issue just as much as anyone. As moms, we love our kids and want to be the best mom we can – but just don’t let that desire drive you nuts. If so and so down the street seems like “a better mom” than you, do what you can to shrug off that feeling. No matter what classes you enroll your kids in, what activities you do, and what material things you have, you will always be the best mom in the world to them because you are Mom, and that’s all they need.

-Grace

Encouraging Other Moms – Why It’s Important

admin — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 09:15:36 +0000

Being a mom is hard work, isn’t it? There are so many responsibilities, choices, and expectations. Something that has really hit home with me over the past few years is the importance of having friends who are encouraging, uplifting, and supportive – and being that friend in return.

Perhaps you belong to a moms’ group, or you have regular play dates with friends. Maybe you go walking once a week with your neighbor and her baby, and you chat about parenting while pushing the strollers around the neighborhood. And what about all of those other times you chat with strangers, perhaps at the playground or from your kid’s preschool class?

We’ve all been in situations where another mom is making the rest of us feel inadequate, whether or not it’s on purpose. Perhaps her kids are always dressed perfectly, she never forgets to pack snacks (they’re even homemade and organic…), and she always seem to have it together. Or maybe it’s someone who is always asking you loaded questions, like “So does Landon know his ABC’s yet? Michael has known them for months, now.” However it’s presented, I think that a lot of interactions between moms can be downright discouraging and even competitive at times.

As moms, we need to see each other as colleagues and as allies in parenthood. If we operate on little islands and don’t stop to help each other, we are missing out. Motherhood is a common bond we share, and it’s something to take seriously. Here are 10 things to consider when it comes to encouraging other moms – and guarding ourselves against discouragement.

None of us really know what we’re doing. Motherhood isn’t something we learn the first time around and then practice perfectly from then on. We are all trying our best, we all love our kids, and we all have different strengths. Just because someone looks like they have it all together does not mean that they actually do. Don’t worry if another mom seems like she knows exactly what she’s doing – she may actually be looking at you and feeling the same insecurity about her own self.
Do not compare yourself to another mom. Be the best mom you can be with your children, and strive for your own personal best. It’s perfectly reasonable to get ideas and advice from other moms, but do not compare yourself to anyone else. Just because they rented a moon bounce and hosted a huge birthday party for their daughter doesn’t mean you’re “not as good of a mom” because you simply had pizza with the grandparents.
If things are going well for you but another mom is struggling, don’t flaunt it. Some kids are late walkers, late talkers, or have behavioral issues. If you happen to be a mom who is having an easy time at the moment, just consider who you share your success stories with. If your two year old is saying her ABC’s and your friend is struggling because her two year old is barely talking, save your good news for the grandparents.
Don’t try to impress other moms. If you are hosting play date, don’t go overboard. Waking up early to make homemade muffins and clean your house from top to bottom isn’t going to do anyone any favors. Sure, tidy up and set out a snack, but consider what you are doing and why you are doing it. Be the best mom you can to your children, but don’t worry about looking like the best mom to your friends.
When you see another mom who needs help, HELP THEM. There is always that one mom in the grocery store who is having a hard time. Offer to help her put her groceries on the conveyor belt or into her trunk if she has a crying baby or is having a hard time with a toddler. Treat another mom like you would if you saw your friend at the grocery store, and offer to lend a hand. Even if they say no thanks, your offer may have made a difference in their day.
Don’t judge other moms. Fight the urge to say in your mind (“I would never let my kid scream like that!). Instead, try a few encouraging words. Even stopping to say, “Oh, hang in there – toddlers are tough! I have one at home,” will make a difference to her.
Remember the Golden Rule. Enough said.
It all evens out. Just as soon as you think you’re doing something better than someone else or have it more together, something will happen to even things out. Don’t get cocky or proud, because whatever is going on right now may pass before you know it. Perhaps your is kid behaving like an angel at play group, and you also have the time to shower and put on makeup everyday before you leave the house. Don’t look down on the exhausted mom in sweatpants whose kid is running around yelling at everyone during play group. Next week, you may be the one needing a shower and a visit from Super Nanny.
Go out of your way to reach out to another mom. If your friend hasn’t slept in weeks because of her newborn, offer to go watch the baby while she naps. Deliver a meal to a mom whose family is sick. Suggest having your friend’s kids come over and watch a movie for the evening so she and her husband can go out to dinner. Pay attention to the struggles of the other moms around you, and do what you can to help.
Set a good example for your kids. Teach them to give to others, focus on the needs of their friends, and to treat everyone with respect. By seeing your kindness to other moms, they will not only realize what an awesome mom they have, but they will learn valuable life lessons.

If you have a free moment today, consider giving a friend a call or sending an email to someone you know. Let them know they are a great mom, and you were just thinking about them and wanted to see how they are doing. It doesn’t take much to make someone’s day and lift their spirits.

- Grace

Daily Structure for Stay-at-Home Moms

admin — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 12:15:02 +0000

As a mom, do you ever feel like your day is a bit disorganized? One day the kids are dressed and you’re running errands at 9am, while the next day you can’t manage to leave the house – or even take a shower.

When I first started staying at home with my daughter, I wasn’t quite sure how to go about my day. Sure, I was busy caring for my newborn, but the days seemed to blur into each other without much structure. I’m one of those people who crave being in a routine, so this really bugged me. I was used being at work, and being at home all day was a big adjustment.

Little by little, I figured out ways to make my day feel like it had rhythm to it. I talked to friends, read various articles, and experimented with different ways to organize my life so it felt routine again. Through plenty of trial and error, I’ve managed to get into a good routine with my kids. It’s great to feel like we have the structure we need to enjoy the day.

Here are some tips I’ve come up with – these things have worked for us, so hopefully they will be helpful for you!

Use a daily planner. I would be lost without mine. I not only write down appointments in it, but I use it for to-do-lists, menu planning, etc. Each day I’ll write down one place I plan to go out to (a play date, the grocery store, the library, a walk downtown, etc) so I can plan to get us out of the house. I’ll also write down a list of things I need to do that day (laundry, shower, write, pay bills, etc). Having it all written down in front of me is a huge help, and I feel a big sense of accomplishment when I check things off. There are also plenty of electronic planners out there if you’d rather go paperless, such as Google calendar or www.rememberthemilk.com .
Menu plan. Don’t you hate it when it’s 5pm and you don’t know what you’re doing for dinner? That drives me nuts. Menu planning is such a time-saver. Grocery shopping is easier, and when 5pm rolls around you just pull out what you need for dinner. You can also space out meals to avoid eating the same things over and over again, like pasta or chicken three nights in a row. I also recommend crock-pot meals, which you can prepare in the morning or at naptime.
Set your priorities and then schedule them. What’s the most important thing you can do to feel like yourself? If it’s taking a shower, make a plan that you’ll take a shower at the same time each day, and do what you can to stick to it. Personally, I put the kids down for a nap and head straight to the computer to write. It’s nice to know that I’ll have a few minute to myself every day, doing something I love, at the same time each day. Decide what the most important things are, and make it a priority to work them into the day.
Divide your day into segments. For us, morning is the time to go out somewhere. Sometimes it’s a place we need to go (like preschool or Bible study), while other days it’s a random errand (like Costco or the mall). Then we come home, have lunch, and the kids go down for naps. From that point, I know I have about two hours to myself, and I go to my daily planner and see what I’ve written down for that day. (I also write down “relax” on my planner, which is a priority!) Afternoons are spent doing an activity at the house, like riding the bicycle and tricycle outside or coloring in the playroom. This not only helps the kids, but it will benefit you as well.
Assign household chores to different days. This is helpful for a lot of reasons. First of all, it helps distinguish Monday from Wednesday, even if it’s just a little thing. Assigning different tasks to each weekday not only helps you stay organized with maintaining your home, but it is an easy way to add some routine. Monday for laundry, Tuesday for cleaning out the fridge, Wednesday for bathrooms, etc.

It’s also important to remember that just because you have a routine doesn’t mean it’s always going to work out. I love having structure in my day, but I also know that things come up and I need to go with the flow. For instance, yesterday I had a big list at naptime to knock out. As soon as I had the kids in bed, a friend of mine called and wanted to swing by for an hour with her son. Although I had a messy kitchen, writing to be done, and hadn’t showered, I was thrilled to see her and very glad she stopped by. My list could wait – relationships are more important. The main thing is to enjoy the benefits that come with adding some structure to your life, but still remain flexible.

- Grace

Look Like Yourself Again, Not Like “A Mom” – 21 Simple Tips

admin — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:18:20 +0000

Ah, it starts slowly, doesn’t it? You used to get up, shower, dress for work and then head out the door. A coworker would compliment your shoes, a man at lunch would glance over and then pretend he wasn’t just checking you out, and in general you felt like you had it together.

And then one day, you saw those magic lines on the pregnancy test, which is where it all began. And then the baby was born. And then life became a bit more challenging. And then, one day you looked in the mirror and were a bit, um, surprised.

When did this happen?

It happens to the best of us. For me, that first trimester was enough to make me forget caring about makeup or looking nice at all. If I felt this bad, who cared what I looked like? Of course I only became worse when my daughter was born. When you aren’t sleeping, and you are covered in spit up, how can you possibly care about looking cute? I just wanted to survive.

Four and a half years after it all began, I find myself recognizing the person in the mirror again. I may have had two kids, but I still feel pretty good about myself when I walk out the door. It’s been a long road to get to this point though, and I’ve learned a lot along the way.

Here are 21 simple ways, from pregnancy on, that you can look and feel like you again – not just “a mom.”

If you’re having a rough first trimester, remember that taking care of yourself will help you feel better. Even if you are sick as a dog in the beginning, try to take a shower and put on some makeup. Yes, if you had the flu you would lay around in sweats and forget about washing your hair. But this is a flu that won’t go away in a few days, so do what you can to hang in there. Even if you don’t feel like yourself, looking like yourself (instead of the sick, worn out version of you) will help.

Don’t be too cheap when it comes to maternity clothes. Don’t get me wrong – I love a good deal. I also love borrowing clothes from girlfriends, and I’ll lend my maternity collection to my friends gladly. What I mean is that you should not be cheap in the sense that you just stop caring. If you need to buy clothes, don’t feel guilty about buying something nice instead of the funky stuff on the clearance rack. Yes, you’ll wear it for a shorter time than your regular clothes, but it’s important over the next few months that you still feel good about yourself. Enough is changing; don’t let your style change drastically as well.

Pedicures are awesome. You can’t reach your feet anyways, so go ahead and waddle on down to the salon. If you prefer to save a buck, I suggest Wal-Mart. The pedicures I’ve gotten there have been awesome, and they are a fraction of the price you’d pay at your haircutter.

Do not chop off your hair. Yes, pixie cuts are in style, but wait until after the baby is born if you really want one. Remember that pregnant women tend to be emotional, so avoid making drastic decisions like cutting your hair short while you are pregnant. Your body is changing every day, so keeping your hair the same may help you feel more in touch with your old self. Now is not the time for a big change – you have one coming on your due date.

Highlight the great parts of pregnancy. Along with pregnancy comes thicker hair, nails that grow faster, and the need for a bigger bra. Highlight your best features and focus on the things that are nice little side effects, rather than dwelling on your ever increasing belly or your swollen ankles.

Try to keep good posture. I don’t mean to sound like your mother here, but it’s worth the risk. You’ll be tempted to lean over, slouch, etc. With a huge baby belly, it’s only natural. Sitting up straight will do you a world of good and will not only make you look better, but it will help you feel more confident and attractive.

Stay active while you are pregnant. Don’t exercise because you want to somehow slow your weight gain, but do it to feel good. Try prenatal yoga, prenatal Pilates, or walking. Some of you may be exercise buffs who still jog around the block when you’re nine months pregnant, but I know that I struggled with staying fit when I was pregnant. I didn’t want to do very much physically, but when I did manage to exercise I felt great. Even if I looked the same to the rest of the world, I felt much more like myself after a good brisk walk.

Take advantage of the fact that most people find pregnant women adorable. The cards are already stacked in your favor, believe it or not. Even if you feel like a planet, most people think you’re cute as a button. Remember this, and feel encouraged.

Once the baby is born, invest in attractive nursing bras. Gone are the days when nursing bras were these huge, white, scary looking contraptions that made husbands run away screaming. Plenty of stores carry nursing bras in black or in various patterns (leopard, polka dots, etc.).

Just because you are still carrying baby weight doesn’t mean you have to give up. Don’t say to yourself, “I’ll get some new clothes when I lose the weight… these sweats will do for now.” I was tempted to do that, but I felt so down about my post-baby body that I wanted to do something to feel stylish again. Hit the clearance racks, or borrow clothes from a friend if nothing else fits. Dressing like “you” again will help encourage you to get back to your normal self, rather than getting stuck in a post-partum rut.

Don’t feel bad if you still need to wear your maternity clothes. A lot of women I talk to feel embarrassed about wearing maternity clothes after their baby is born. Don’t be. It’s part of life, and everyone has been there. I was in maternity clothes for what felt like forever after my second daughter was born. If the choice is between maternity jeans and pajama bottoms when you’re leaving the house, just put your jeans on. If your shirt is long enough, no one will even notice that they’re maternity clothes.

Shower every day. Even if it’s hard, find the time somewhere. It is way too easy to say, “I’ll shower tomorrow,” and then tomorrow stretches into an embarrassing amount of time. I know that being up all night with a baby makes the days blur into each other, but getting a shower each day will help you stay sane.

Enjoy wearing jewelry before your baby learns to grab it. Wearing earrings or a cute necklace is an easy way to look like you took some time getting ready, even if it only took an extra ten seconds to throw it on.

If you can swing it, get highlights in your hair. When my second daughter was about six weeks old, my husband took her for a couple of hours so I could go and get my hair highlighted. I didn’t do anything drastic, but some warm brown tones in my hair made me feel like I had lost ten pounds.

Go for walks. I felt ridiculously frumpy after my second delivery. I still had a “baby belly” (minus the baby inside), my clothes weren’t even close to fitting me, and I felt too exhausted to shower most days. Going for long walks with my neighbor several times a week was the absolute best thing I could have done. I was out of the house, getting fresh air and exercise, and forced to take a shower afterwards.

Make sure you have at least one friend who does not have kids. This may seem very random, but it’s good for perspective. Going out for dessert or drinks with a girlfriend who is in a different stage of life than you will remind you of the wide world around you, and it helps to keep you balanced.

It’s just as easy to slip on casual heels or cute flats as it is to wear flip-flops. I wore my favorite wedge heels to a pediatrician appointment the other day, and the nurse noted that I was “dressed up” for a stay-at-home-mom. Her compliment made my day, and it also surprised me a bit. Honestly, I was rushing out the door that morning, and slipping on my wedge heels was faster than having to tie sneakers!

Try wearing your hair a different way each day to vary it up a bit. I don’t mean anything fancy or time consuming, either. My hairdresser fusses at me when I confess that I’ve been wearing my hair in a ponytail for a month, so I try to limit my ponytail days (although I have my hair in a ponytail as I’m writing this). The key is to feel like you have some sort of variety in your life. I tend to rotate between wearing my hair down, half back with a clip, or in a ponytail. All three are effortless, but doing something different each day makes me feel like I look more stylish for some reason.

Keep a travel-sized perfume in your purse or diaper bag. My favorite is “Amazing Grace” by Philosophy, and I keep a tiny little bottle of the eau de toilette in my purse. It’s so easy to just spray it on before I head to a friend’s house, dinner with my husband, or even a trip to Target. Why not smell nice if it’s easy enough?

Dress your age. I see plenty of women out there who are either dressing too young for their age, or too old for their age. Remember that even though you’re a mom, you (a) don’t have to prove anything to anyone regarding “looking young,” and (b) you don’t need to throw in the towel and dress like “a mom” should dress. I’m 28, so I dress like I’m 28.

Find an exercise routine you enjoy, and stick with it.
Even if you’ve lost the baby weight, it’s still important to find something to do for yourself that keeps you feeling good. I’m a big fan of Pilates, and I always feel stronger, lighter, and more confident afterwards. When your days are spent taking care of other people, remember that it’s important to find the time to take care of yourself as well.

Being a mom is awesome. I absolutely love it, and wouldn’t trade it for the world. It can certainly be rough though, and one of the tough things about it is feeling like you’ve lost yourself. Just a few of these simple tips could make a world of difference between feeling like yourself again, and feeling like you’re “just a mom.” Trust me, it feels good to look at your reflection in the mirror and recognize yourself again.

- Grace

Got Energy?

admin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 01:29:04 +0000

When that mid-afternoon slump hits, I’m so tempted to brew some coffee. But alas, I’ve decided to cut back on the caffeine and try to find alternative ways to perk up. So with that in mind, where do I turn? The kids are sleeping upstairs, the house is (finally) quite, and I know that I have a list of stuff to knock out during naptime. Yes, I could just brew some coffee and get on with my afternoon, but I’d rather not fall off the wagon and start that vicious cycle again of brewing coffee every day or risk a splitting headache.

Need some ideas for ways to perk up naturally? Check out 5 Surprising Ways to Get More Energy. [Glamour]

Take Time and Relax

admin — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:30:24 +0000

As moms, we are always on the go. We hit the ground running - fix the kids’ breakfast, get them dressed, throw in a load of laundry, play with Legos, change a diaper, unload the dishwasher, read them a book, answer the phone, switch the laundry… and this is all before noon! It’s exhausting just to think about it.

Since today is Sunday, I thought I’d write about relaxing. I think that relaxing is highly underrated. Yes, it’s good and admirable to be efficient, industrious, and on top of things. Stuff needs to get done, and we’re the ones who take care of it. Having kids means staying busy, and it’s just part of the deal. Sometimes things flow smoothly, while other times it’s complete chaos. Let’s just remember that even though things need to be done, the most important things in life go way beyond the ringing phone and the buzzing dryer. Here are some things to remember:

You are a mom – not a maid. Take the time to play with your kids. If you “should” be doing the dishes or you “should” be vacuuming, ignore that voice in your head. That stuff can wait. If you are a stay-at-home-mom, just remember that you are home to be with your children, not to create the perfect house. And if you work outside the home, enjoy those moments with your kids, because a messy house and an evening spent playing with the kids is much better than missing out on those precious moments.
Before long, your kids won’t think it’s cool to play with you. They’ll want you to drop them off a block away from the mall so no one sees your minivan. Enjoy playing dress up, and act like a kid yourself. They’re only little once.
Take time for YOU. Not just for you and the family, not just for you and the kids, but alone time for yourself. Moms get into a rut when the only people they socialize are little kids. Sure, you see folks at play dates, but that’s also revolving around the kids. Get out by yourself, go buy new underwear, walk around the mall and window shop, or read a book in your favorite coffee house (and sit at a tiny table, one you’d never sit at when the kids were with you!). Trust me – it’s important to feel like yourself again.
You will never get this day back. I know this sounds ominous, but I’m being serious. Each day is a gift, so enjoy the little moments.
Don’t invent unnecessary stuff to do. This may sound silly, but I think a lot of us do that. Ask yourself, “Do I really NEED to clean up before this play date?” There are a lot of things we do because we are worried about what other people think. Don’t let that motivate you. Set your own standards, and that includes valuing yourself enough to set aside time that is just for you.
Take care of the mother of your children. If you fall apart, that’s no good. Being obsessed with an immaculate house, participating in every activity available, or striving for perfection is not doing anyone any good. Go easy on yourself. Build in time for a pajama day with the kids, a family movie night, and a Saturday lunch with your girlfriends. Teach your children the lesson that it’s important to take care of ourselves, and that means recharging our batteries when we need to.

Just remember that life is about so much more than today. Invest in your children, invest in your relationships, and take care of yourself. Take the time to relax, to smell the aroma of the coffee as it’s brewing, and to watch in wonder as your child plays. Life flies by fast enough – so slow down and enjoy it.

- Grace

Have You Ever Thought About Joining MOPS?

admin — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:55:50 +0000

While it’s true that we moms are busy, we can often get lonely. Isn’t that ironic? We have a kid or two (or three, or four…) glued to us throughout the day, and yet we need company. That is, company that doesn’t need diaper change and who wants to talk about something other than the Disney Princesses.

My friend Kim mentioned the other day that she just joined her local MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) group, and asked me if I’d ever participated in MOPS. Since I moved back to my hometown a year ago, I have spent most of that time reconnecting with old friends and getting settled. This summer, I realized how much I miss my regular playgroups with the stay-at-home-moms club I was a part of where I used to live.

I was glad to come across this post on MOPS. It reminds me of the benefits of belonging to a group of moms who support each other, encourage each other, and get each other out of the house. Especially if you are a new mom, or have recently moved, this seems to be a great way to connect with other moms.

MOPS Helps Moms Cope [Ruralnorthwest.com]

For more information on MOPS, visit www.mops.org

Feeling Like Yourself Again

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 12:44:38 +0000

We’ve all been there. The perpetual ponytail, the sweats, and the deer-in-the-headlights expression that comes with no sleep. It’s hard being a mom, and even harder when you feel like just a mom. Somewhere, in the midst of dirty diapers, grocery shopping with a toddler, and playing Candy Land for the umpteenth time… is you. You remember “you,” right? It’s hard not to lose ourselves in motherhood. Spending our days with children who need everything from us, we become absorbed in their lives and their needs. The moment I realized I had lost myself came when it dawned on me that I could not think of a single interest, hobby, or thing to really pass my time other than activities relating to my kids and family. What would I even do if I had the day to myself? Hopefully it hasn’t come to that for you, but if it has, you are not alone.

Another moment I had when I realized I needed some self improvement happened while I was nursing my newborn, sitting on the couch watching TLC’s “What Not To Wear.” I love this show, and watched it often during those long nursing sessions in the first months after my second daughter was born. I was particularly interested in the episode that was on, since it focused on a mother who had totally lost her sense of style (and individuality) through years and years of focusing only on her children. When discussing how far down “on the list” she was (putting her kids, her husband first), she commented that she wasn’t even ON the list. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t on my own list, either. I was just “mom,” right? So who cared what I looked like, what I did in my spare time (spare time, ha!), and how quickly I was losing myself as an individual?

I made many, many changes in the months following. By the time my second daughter turned 1, I felt like a new person. I wasn’t just mom, I was an individual with my own interests, hobbies, and focuses in addition to my family. Sure, my family comes first – but I realize that part of being a good mom and a good spouse is taking care of myself as well. No one wants us to turn into burnt out zombies that only talk about potty training and class field trips – our children, or our spouses.

I could write all day on this topic, but for now I will leave you with a few brief suggestions on how to at least get started on feeling like yourself again, instead of someone who exists entirely to take care of other people.

Do something you haven’t done since you first had kids. Watch a movie with your husband from your college days, or listen to an album you used to love ten years ago.
Wear dangly earrings. I know this sounds silly, but I swear it makes you feel more put together. It takes thirty seconds to put them in, and as long as you don’t have a grabby baby who will rip them out, it’s well worth the effort. Your husband will notice, too.
Pick up a good novel and start reading. Better yet, start reading with a friend or a book club. It will give you something else to think about and to talk about. I know it’s hard to find time to read, but try getting up half an hour early, before the kids. If you can sneak some time in at naptime, do that! The dishes can wait. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet are much, much more important.
Find some sort of hobby. No matter how involved it is, just make sure it has nothing to do with kids. Sign up for yoga with a friend, take an art class at the local rec center, or start a gardening project.
Go for a drive in YOUR HUSBAND’S car. Not yours – it’s probably got car seats and Chic-Fil-A cups in it. Take his out, and go for a drive. Listen to music that you would not listen to with the kids… perhaps stuff from high school or college. Rolling down the windows and listening to “Back in Black” is a great way to feel like more than just a mom.
Wear perfume or fragrant lotion. As nice as Desitin and baby formula smell, it’s nice to smell like a grownup who pays attention to these things. Again, your husband will love this. You’ll smell like YOU again, which is good for everyone.
If you have the money to spare, get a pedicure. (Skip the manicure – it’ll probably chip away in a couple of days.) A pedicure will last for quite a while, and it’s absolutely wonderful to have someone else taking care of you. Bring a book along to read, so you can focus on getting pampered and not feel obligated to make small talk with the technician. If cost is an issue, check out less expensive venues, like Wal-Mart.

Bringing a child into this world is one of the most amazing and fantastic experiences in life. Enjoy every moment of it – just make sure you don’t lose yourself in it.

- Grace

The Best Book Ever – For Moms

admin — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:01:28 +0000

I can’t get enough of this book. My husband bought it for me for Christmas, and it’s still on my nightstand being read over and over again. Even if I just pick it up for five minutes when I go to bed, it is a good boost of encouragement, validation, and humor. Can I say it again – I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THIS BOOK! Reading Trisha Ashworth’s and Amy Nobile’s discussion of modern motherhood is like going out to coffee with your best friend, and leaves you feeling refreshed, positive, and uplifted. I saw myself in so many of these chapters, and I realized that most other moms do too. Pick up a copy for yourself – and for a girlfriend.

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood

The Cure For “Mommy Brain”

admin — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:51:43 +0000

I love Simple Mom’s blog. I found one from Wednesday that I really must post, and you need to read this if…

You have pushed a grocery cart across an entire parking lot, because you forgot (again) where you parked
You keep calling your daughter the dog’s name, and vice versa
When you open the fridge, you see that your cell phone is next to the yogurt.
While brushing your teeth, you notice something is different. It’s because you’re using the kids’ bubble gum toothpaste.

If you’d like to check out their blog on how to improve the notorious “Mommy Brain,” go to Battling Mommy Brain: 6 Strategies to Boost Brain Health [Simple Mom]